I Have A Big Bias (a brief explanation of the blog name)

One of the greatest assets to being me is that I can carry a conversation pretty well, which is normally a good thing, unless you are trying to gauge how attracted to me another person is. If you can get people engaged in to what you are saying, they will demonstrate body language that is quite similar to physical attraction, even if they are not necessarily feeling an attraction towards you.

At one point in my life, I operated as a Barista, which essentially meant that I made coffee, talked to people and got yelled at a lot. It was a decent job that paid the bills, and it came with the greatest perk a young man could ever ask for: amazingly attractive, single women. I got to spend my days making coffee and trying to flirt with some of the most beautiful women to ever wear a pair of yoga pants. However, as I have already noted, it was difficult to tell when the subject of my infatuation was reciprocating my witty banter.

One day, out of the blue, the girl of my dreams walked through the door. She had hair that was streaked with multiple colors, one of those bull-ring style nose piercings, breasts that were not too big nor too small and a nice round hipster ass in a pair of shape-defining nylons.

Yes, I am a superficial asshole and I am more than okay with that. Luckily, she also happened to be pretty fucking funny, so I did not feel as bad about sizing her up physically.

We hit it off right away. She laughed at every retarded thing I had to say, she smiled at me every time she walked in to the store, and when I told her I was going to be quitting she mad the appropriate, “what am I going to do without you here?” remarks. I knew I was in, so i did what any person would do, I went for broke and asked her out. I wish this story ended with a nice dinner, a few drinks and some naked hipster booty, but that would be a happy ending. You will struggle to find happy endings here.

Instead what happened is that she responded by giggling and repeating my question back to me in the form of a statement. Not one to give up after one attempt, and fueled by my desire to see her naked at least once, I kept up the salvo. She kept coming back which I took as a good sign, but I could not get a single “yes” out of her. It was akin to smashing my face in to a wall repeatedly, or masturbating ten times a day; the more you do it, the less fun it is. The last time i saw her, she was fishing for compliments as she showed off her drivers license photo. She would describe her picture as ugly, and being the chivalrous guy that I am (who also really wanted to sleep with her), I made sure to call her beautiful and compliment the picture. I also told her that I was biased when it came to her, and that in fact, “I have a big bias towards you.” Without missing a beat and the worlds cutest smirk she said, “I’m sure you do have a big bias,” then walked out of the store, never to be seen from again.

That line, “I have a big bias,” and her response have stayed with me. It makes me both happy and discouraged. Happy that I had not completely misread the situation and discouraged because I never got to show her my bias. There really should be a deeper meaning for the title of this blog, but that is all I have for you.

Deal with it.